i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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