This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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