New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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