i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
