my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my being single is dangerous.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
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