You work out of a Hotel?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He better not be in your backpack
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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