She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
