he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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