no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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