The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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