Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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