even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
