Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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