mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
either way he was missing a nipple.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
