Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
