totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my being single is dangerous.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So vagazzling was a success
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