I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
