hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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