Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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