Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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