sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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