when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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