I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
