Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
