I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
