Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
nutella sex= disaster
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
