She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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