Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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