im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
