we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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