I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
