Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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