So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
