I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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