Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
