That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
