I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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