I love black thongs
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
