it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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