i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
