I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
