i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
