Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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