Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
