I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
