Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
