Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
