Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
