Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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