This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
