so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
