There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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